Justin James Lee

Jill, my heart aches for you and your family. I hope knowing there are people out here who care will help you in your grief.

“And I always find; Ya I always find something wrong… I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most…”
 
You could always find something wrong with something right… you hated most things that ordinary people would enjoy, but what is ordinary? To you they were sheep blindly following the pack without thinking for themselves, or doing research… Often times you called me a sheep because you hated my explanations on things I cared about if they didn’t align with yours… I always laughed it off because you were a dick and even if we agreed on whatever I would still be a sheep to you… its funny how all our conversations would play out… I’m writing this because you always made fun of my writing… you called “My Poetry” when you would call or text and I would say I am busy you would respond with “What writing your poetry… You’re a shit writer!” I would respond with “Take it back or I will come over there and football punt JCVD!” (JCVD was his cat; one of 3) He would then say “How dare you threaten my cat!” We would laugh and I would call or continue to text and it would be the raunchiest, rude, misunderstood text exchange known to man… but that was our relationship… raunchy… rude… misunderstood… and downright disgusting at times… but he was my friend… my best friend… We met by chance… His Mother (Momma) said her son needed a job… I was hot shot cellphone manager at the time and I said “Send him in.” He came in wearing some loafers Khakis and button down. He seemed like an alright guy. Hired him and he started working. It was good. We became very cool off random stuff… I considered him a decent person… Then he started calling in sick… and well… coming in not so professional… So I had to fire him… but that’s not where our relationship stopped… we continued to grow a close friendship… I considered him a good friend… then over the years he turned into my best friend… and then it changed to my brother… I have plenty of people I grew up with, are close to me, and have more in common with me, but you were the closest thing to a “REAL” person I knew… All the things I think about that I don’t talk about publicly like my anxiety, my faults, and my regrets I told you… you understood… never questioned them… but understood… It was almost an unspoken rule that a man isn’t supposed to cry… maybe three people have ever seen me or heard me cry ever… and you were one… if it was all bad I would immediately run and call you hysterically sobbing, not making any sense, but you could always make out what was going on and figure out a way to help me make sense of it all… that’s happened on more than one occasion… and I never second guessed it… I remember when I told you my mother was dying… you said “ I don’t know what to tell you…” He could have said some fake inspirational speech, but he was like “Nah that sucks…” I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me… I wanted someone to be with me… not physically, but just on the same wave length as me… he knew I would never process my Mother’s death, and that I would keep moving forward… He also knew that if I really wanted to talk about it.. he would be there…
 
“I think its time for us to have a toast… Let’s have a toast for the douche bags… Let’s have a toast for the assholes… Let’s have a toast for the scumbags… Every one of them that I know…”
 
 
You were the biggest scumbag asshole I have ever met in my life… but I loved you none the less… I’m writing this “Poetry” in part because I know you would hate it with a passion and its my last ditch effort to piss you off because you can’t do anything about it… You had plenty of demons, but you were honest with them unlike most of us… the thing that made you different is that you had a big heart… you were a douche for sure… but a big-hearted douche… I wished constantly that you got your shit together… because you were smarter than most, not even using a fraction of your brain… you hated on me for going back to school not once… but twice… you often asked me “Why? Who are you doing this for?” Sometimes I still question if I did those things for me… or if I did them because he couldn’t… or he wouldn’t… you never lived up to your full potential… you didn’t want too… I never understood why… I still don’t… you always claimed to want this simple life that was never attainable to us “Sheep”, but yet you wanted the things us “Sheep” could afford because we had jobs and productive members of society… the simple life you always wanted was never real… because in the real world people have relationships some meaningful and some awful… they are sad… depressed… they work… they hurt… the feel joy… they feel pain… and they are happy that they feel… something… you wanted to be happy… but happiness is in the eye of the beholder… and you felt everything… everything… but that… in my eyes  you had that, but didn’t open your eyes to appreciate it… I wish you had…
 
 
“Exhausted, never the right time to go… God, I done my time to go… Never the right time to go… Gotta make it right before you left… Gotta make it right before you”
 
 
Nothing makes this right… but I understand… this would be one of those times when we would argue and bicker like brothers over who is really right… and you were wrong… but I understand… I hate you for this… but I understand… Why? How could you?… but I understand… but you won’t understand what am I supposed to do? Who, or what do I have? You are gone… its just me… let me guess “I don’t know what to tell you”  You asked me to always take care of Momma… because you know I am a man of my word… I will keep that promise tell the day I die… You told me to look after Poppa… I’m a man of my word I will keep that promise… You told me to make sure Jon is ok… I’m a man of my word I will keep that promise… but you told me you would always have my back… you can’t keep that promise anymore… Since you can’t keep that promise… you get this “Poetry” YOU DICK!  And Chadwick Boseman you claimed was the worst actor in the worst Marvel movie passed away on the same day YOU ASSWHOLE!
 
Questions I have for you will never be answered by you… but I understand…
 
“Bow our heads ’cause it’s alright…alright…24 hours…24 candles…”
 
 
 
Your Brother…Your Friend,
 
Kyle L. Cooper

I’m sorry to hear of your loss. My prayers for you and your family

Jill and Jeff I think as so sad to hear of the passing of sweet Justin. I really got to know him well after he moved to Leavenworth. I would look forward to seeing his smiling face walking down the hall or out in the parking lot. I remember how much he loved his cats and he took such good care of them. He was definitely an animal person just like his patents. I have a way of judging a persons character on the way they treat animals and I think Justin was a very compassionate person. We would call Justin to the office quite often when there was a computer problem that lisa and I didn’t know how to deal with. Lisa would call him up and say hey honey can you come fiend and help us with the computer. Every time he would happily hurry down stairs, sit at the desk and he would figure it out every time. Never complained one time about helping us out. He was a great guy and will truly be missed by many people. Rest In Peace Justin and we will see you again some day. Until then tell Sara and Jordan and everyone else up there in heaven hie much we love them snd miss them. Until we meet again keep us safe and in the right path.